#have been dealing w personal and health issues etc

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

secrets of farming (1863) - john w. large

"yeowch augh taking damage ough eurgh"

[nico-esoterica]

★ How to Manifest Fame Forever ★

"This is the way the industry works." "You have to do something to get something." "Sign your name here. It's for your own good, I promise."

If you want to be famous, you need to start discarding any ideas you have about it. All the horror stories and guidance you've been given. Because all 'Hollywood' is is a bunch of very removed and traumatized people crashing against each other. And there's this assumption that you need to be a cut-throat, paranoid, and narcissistic person. You don't. You just need boundaries and need to be very firm about how you believe your trajectory will go and how you'll be received. You don't have to do anything unsavory to be famous. No one needs to be betrayed, you don't have to lie or embellish, you don't have to maintain an image you hate.

Because what's been happening to Ice Spice, imo, is the result of her early issues with women, jealousy, and using others as learned self-preservation playing out in current behavior she displays biting her in the ass. Whatever anxieties you have from shitty experiences with relationships, money, autonomy, etc, is gonna start manifesting as you build your platform and navigate industries unless you render it irrelevant. Because imposter syndrome, performance anxiety, and being triggered by projection and collective expectations does most famous people in, dead and alive. In this day and age, we have more public awareness about mental health and online resources at bare minimum to help ourselves be honest about any issues we may have. You don't just have to disassociate through it with work or drugs, you can get the help you need and decide how your fame is going to work out.

Because being perceived on a massive scale at all times and not just during special events isn't something that's ever happened in human history until this past century. And in the age of fast moving social media opposed to slow print and film (meaning public opinion was more easier controlled w/ spin), we're in an unprecedented time. So, imo, this requires stronger or more creative mental fortitude. You don't have to just exist as a persona to absorb all the projection if you don't want to. What I encourage doing for some is to create a healthy fan base who respect boundaries (which we're seeing now with Chappel Roan) and who respect your person hood and artistry where they'll want to support you without consuming you. How much distance and privacy you allow yourself is up to you. But artists who are moving differently with this, imo, with Pluto going into Aqua are going to reap the most rewards. Because it's all under your control, actually. Even big execs if you decide ahead of time how they're going to act and receive you. You don't have to beg or sign off on deals you don't actually want because of the fear that the opportunity won't come around again or not for a while.

And if you get your perceptions of relationships and money under control? The skies aren't the limit. It doesn't exist. Michael Jackson scripted his fame and outlined how big and epic it'd be before it happened. And he's still revered postmortem and will be forever. Marilyn Monroe could 'disappear' in public spaces according to how she perceived herself and created the perfect image of her as Marilyn. What many details about these people's lives will tell you that they knew they were manifesting, but it was only in a certain area. They didn't know as much as a curious teenager into manifestation knows on the internet now. Because once you have this awareness, you'll apply it to everything. The difference is simply ignorance.

But YOU have the advantage of knowing that you can, in fact, manifest for it all to happen perfectly. No corruption, no conspiracies, no blackmail or going to Epstein's island or a Diddy party, sucking off Weinstein or those similar, payola, selling your soul or whatever the fuck. You CAN have the greatest and most reliable and genuine team and connections, you CAN have continuous and endless upward momentum with no plateaus, you CAN have immortality as the greatest legend in the field you choose.

You just have to decide it's true. Decide all limiting beliefs around it are false and will never apply to you.

[prince-liest]

Why is it that Vox is bad at setting boundaries?? Is that a trait specific to his relationship w/ Alastor or could it be applied to others?

In my interpretation of his character for 666, it's an issue he has with Alastor and Valentino, though in different ways. He has a very obsessive personality and an anxious attachment style, and one of the problems that causes for him in his relationships is that when something happens that makes him genuinely uncomfortable, he has to weigh the pros and cons: do I draw a line in the sand and stand up for myself... or do I tolerate this, like, one thing in favor of keeping my dream come true (Alastor) or the longest, closest relationship I've ever had with someone I've been through all kinds of shit with that knows me best (Valentino)?

He's bad at making the choice that's better for his own mental health, because Alastor is mercurial and a shitty communicator that (from the POV of Vox's in-the-moment anxiety) might ditch Vox at any moment, and Valentino is great at making it sound so reasonable for Vox to just calm down, stop being so dramatic, it's not that big of a deal, he doesn't know why Vox is throwing a fit when they were having such a good time... weren't they? Because Val was having a good time, and he can promise that Vox is about to... besides, doesn't Val always come through?

I also think it mostly comes up when he's already feeling vulnerable, or when Val decides to make a whole situation out of it. When Val or Alastor are just being annoying, or it's something he's confident he's right about, he's happy to make fun of Alastor being "not drunk" or Valentino making a mess chasing after Angel Dust, etc, etc. He also has a lot more experience handling Valentino and has had a lot more drama with him (and thus knows that they'll make it through and come out the other end just fine), so he's more willing to push back; but on the other hand, Val has a lot more practice at circumnavigating Vox's boundaries when he really wants to.

As for the source of this character interpretation: mostly I cobbled it together from Valentino's tendencies as a character + the natural consequence of Vox's psychosexual obsession with Alastor being one-sided. Canon might joss it later, but I like the contrast between a Vox that's a domineering mind controller in his work life vs that behavior being turned on him, in a way, in his private life. There are not many people that he cares enough about to actually see as people, but he's vulnerable to the ones that he does.

[sapph1cyearning]

Wilhelm's Mental Health; Autism or Borderline Personality Disorder?

Wilhelm’s mental health status is a complex issue that has been heavily commentated on by the fandom, from what I've observed within the YR fandom, a large number of fans headcanon Wilhelm as having autism but I hope to explore autism and it's symptomology outside of the white male perspective that is defaulted upon in autistic representation by overviewing symptoms that contribute to the interpretations of Wilhelm having either Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). These two disorders can show up in similar forms, and often get misdiagnosed (especially women and non-white people are immediately pointed toward the BPD diagnosis rather than ASD due to assessor’s prejudice and society's higher expectations for minority groups to mask autistic traits while in public but that’s another story). A key difference between the two is that ASD is a genetic disorder while BPD is a disorder that develops due to childhood trauma. Both disorders have a high likelihood for comorbidity with other mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Content Warning: Frank commentary of symptoms associated with Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder, including: self-harm, substance abuse, and emotional dysregulation.

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional but I am autistic, and I’ve known quite a number of people with either BPD or autism [Years ago, I stayed at a long-term DBT-based treatment center, a therapeutic specialty for created to address BPD that has been expanded to treat other mental health struggles and disorders that go hand-in-hand with BPD symptoms (Substance abuse, self-harm, OCD, etc.)]. This is also solely based on what is seen in the show, not actors' interpretations that are expressed through interviews.

Throughout the series Wilhelm (W) is seen engaging in a multitude of behaviors and experiences feelings that he expresses verbally that could be interpreted as fitting as symptoms of both.

Notably the scene where W is seen smacking his temple with his palm (1x05) can be interpreted as either: purposeful self-harm (a common self-destructive coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions in BPD; his alcohol and drug use could be described similarly) or a self-stimulatory behavior (stimming), a characteristic of ASD to aid in regulating or expressing intense emotions (while W is only seen engaging in this with a “negative” emotion, stimming can be used with all emotions), other example include his chest-rubbing, and frequent caressing of different textures.

Intense mood-swings, anger, and difficulties with emotion processing, this is quite evident in W's actions, emotional responses, and feelings he expresses verbally. Both disorders have been observed to have intense changes of emotions at a “drop of a hat.” ASD mood-swings are typically related to exposure to sensory input that is quite uncomfortable, overstimulation, and/or meltdowns (breakdowns due to a culmination of intense feelings, sensory input and/or overwhelming experiences). BPD mood-swings and impulsive actions are more related to triggers of trauma responses, and a lack of regulatory measures

Symptoms Specific to Each Disorder:

BPD:

Attachment to Favorite Person (FP), a symptom of BPD where one idolizes one person in their life to an extreme degree, wanting to spend all their time with their FP, and intense anger and despair with perceived betrayals/slights against them/mistakes. W goes through 2 FPs (Erik and Simon). He adores Erik, and feels betrayal when Erik leaves him at Hillerska. Simon quickly becomes a FP, seeing him as perfect and feeling betrayal when Simon messes up (drug dealing) and the utter despair and hopelessness when Simon needs space and starts dating Marcus; “It feels like I’m going to die” (2x04) (Could be a consequence of being utterly isolated due to being Royal and latching onto anyone who shows care to him)

Unstable / Ineffective Relationships (Simon, Kristina, Minou, and other hierarchy figures): BPD is often associated with people with the disorder lashing out against "completely innocent" people for "no reason", while this can be accurate, it does not account for the triggering of such episodes (See above)

Substance Abuse: People with BPD may utilize alcohol and/or other substances to "numb themselves" from BPD symptoms or distance themselves from harmful memories (autistic people also experience substance abuse and addiction at higher rates than the general allistic population but it is often seen as a crutch to cope with the constant stress of existing in an allistic world which is not implied in what draws W to substance use throughout the show)

ASD:

Expansion on Sensory Issues: W seemingly wears the same sweater-button up combo often, just with different sweater colors — Grey, teal, and that god-awful bright orange — ensures safe textures when buying new items but he might just have a clothing stylist with horrid taste. W's struggles with the suffocating feel of the suit (2x05). He rarely utilized the overhead lights in his room, instead relied on his string lights, lamps or natural lighting (Florescent and LED lights can trigger light sensitivity and contribute to sensory processing difficulties in autistic people)

Preoccupation with the concept of normalcy (1x01), as a kid being autistic often ostracizes you from your peers, being deemed the “weird kid” is very damaging thus W may have been enticed by the prospect attending a regular high school to like "normal people" (this concept is intrinsically tied to social class throughout the show, W wants normalcy of a lower class while Sara wants conform to a higher class but that's a different spiel). This can lead to masking; the act of forcing oneself to hide their autistic traits in order to fit into Allistic norms. (My one dispute to this interpretation is he's seemingly more disgruntled by the pomp and circumstance of being Royal that "others" him rather than peers judging him)

Lack of social cues (Not even going to waste my time explaining this one, the man had no game, absolutely none, it’s a wonder that he pulled Simon)

This far from a full list of symptoms seen in W's characterization but it's a broad overview of the signs I saw from an autistic lens. I lean towards Wille having Borderline Personality Disorder based on the fact that significant aspects of Autism Spectrum Disorder can be correlated to his unfortunate circumstance of being royalty.

[galene-gothic]

𝖡𝖺𝗋𝖻𝗂𝖾

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ Connecting with your inner child ꒱

Mentally, you were not doing very well as a child. You were raised in a way where your family or caregivers made you feel like it was alright for you to be mistreated. Due to how you were treated at home, people treating you unfairly in other environments, such as, school, etc. felt very normal to you, ofcourse, it hurt you but you knew that your family would not have your back so you had to stay quiet about it. You chose to live in a lie, you were in denial of your parent or whoever raised you being a bad person. You idolised them throughout your childhood and let them get away with everything. They didn't even apologise when they hurt you, they didn't take accountability for their actions, they made you feel like everything was your fault. When you made a mistake, even if it was a tiny one, you were heavily criticised. For most of you, you were even called names, names that no one should call anyone and especially not their children. You were extremely critical of yourself, this is heartbreaking. You likely grew up in an environment where, people were hypocritical, for example, your parents are both alcoholics who curse a lot and are abusive (this is a similar situation to most of you) but they expected you to be nice, gentle and you were not allowed to make mistakes. I'm crying, I cannot deal with how heavy this energy is. Your childhood was so lonely but you chose to blind yourself to that by idealising it.

Your family members might have used you to lie to others, lied on your name, etc. and you were a child, twisted the story whenever you tried to stand up for yourself, etc. Some of you had a single parent, divorced parents or just problematic parents which caused you to be exposed to alcohol, sex, jails, etc. quite early on in life. Physically, you were a good kid. You wanted to get good grades, have a good reputation and you worked hard on it. However, it was not a natural wish, it was forced upon you so that you could gain your parents approval. You were not loved even when you achieved things but you kept on pushing. Your parents might have told you things like "you need to work hard so that you can clear ___ exams and then become a successful government servant/doctor,etc." and you heard it so much that you naturally thought that your parents would only love you after you achieved that milestone. You enjoyed it because that was the only way you could possibly have hope for the future. You were so young but you still tried to have routines, etc. Honestly, you were the parent here. You were working hard so that you can provide for them in the future and you were just 9 years of age at that time. You were considered to be a gifted kid or a trophy kid and you enjoyed that validation because you were denied of basic emotional nourishment, validation and affection that a kid should receive.

No one could've guessed that you were struggling because not even you were aware, you seemed to be doing really well physically, achieving your goals and looked happy while doing so but you felt empty on the inside. You were critical of yourself, including your appearance and picked out every flaw of your body. Emotionally, you had issues at school too. Even though, on the surface you seemed very confident, that confidence was solely reliant on the validation that you would receive for accomplishing something. Your parents seem to have been very serious about your future, they probably enrolled you into a good school where kids with rich parents also used to go and you felt really inferior to them. You became emotionally reactive and immature as the years progressed because you were just a kid who didn't have their needs met. No matter how hard you worked, you felt like you were an underachiever. This makes me sad, I'm getting the vision of a kindergarten student receiving silent treatment from all the other students around them and then going home, studying, probably taking care of a younger sibling and having the mother come home and beat the child over a small disagreement at dinner. You deserved better, you really did. You deserve all the love in the world. Please take good care of yourself. Physical or emotional abuse and neglect seem to be a theme here.

꒰ How did your inner child imagine your teenage and young adult self to be like ? ꒱

'You can be anything' is the slogan of Barbie and as a kid, there are so many possibilities, we're more imaginative than ever. We imagine what our teenage and early adult days will look like. We'll look at who they (your inner child) wanted to be, how they envisioned your teenage and young adult self and days to look like.

Your inner child expected you to have romantic experiences. They imagined that you'd have a crush on someone and receive proposals. They imagined you as someone who had beauty and style on their mind, almost 24/7. They imagined you wanting to buy make-up products, clothes, bags, etc. and actually receiving them. They imagined you as someone who could do something artistic like play instruments, dance or draw. They imagined you as someone who is caring and has a gentle attitude. They imagined love letters, friends and just a lot of emotional involvement. They imagined you being able to physically cry to a friend or a lover who will actually listen to you. They imagined you feeling content in life and gaining a lot of wisdom. They imagined you being able to let go of anything that has ever hurt you. They imagined you living a life full of hope. They imagined you feeling loved, happy, going to bed after having a good time with friends or partner and tired after such a fun day and wanting to wake up every morning. They imagined you having a lot of passionate experiences and knowing how to let go of anything that makes you feel stuck. They imagined you to look to your past and life lessons to help you gain clarity. They imagined you as someone extremely successful too. "I'll have my life figured out by the age of 18." They imagined you as being composed, forgiving and decisive. They imagined you kind of making a change or something. Maybe, just being a good influence and having a good character. They imagined you having a lot of experiences and learning from them. Knowing how to live life. They imagined you being able to release past guilt and grief, they imagined you having a healing group environment. They imagined a 'happy ever after'.

꒰ What kind of a Barbie have you become ? ꒱

The kind of Barbie that you've become is kind of reckless. You've become kind of impatient too. You've become very cautious of things and end up projecting a foolish or immature image in order to be underestimated so that people don't try to get between you and your goals. You are kind of a thrill chaser as a Barbie but it's because now, you understand that you are more than just the expectations placed upon you. You've become a Barbie who can sometimes be overly optimistic. Your Barbie's name would likely be something like 'create your own identity Barbie' or 'self love/respect Barbie'. However, you're also a Barbie who's accepting themself or has already accepted themself. I think you're going through some sort of a reality check just like Barbie did or you've already undergone it. You've become the cycle breaker Barbie of your family. You're an independent Barbie. You're a Barbie who's focused on shadow work and healing. You've grown to be extremely courageous and are little by little, letting go of the limiting beliefs placed upon you. You're a Barbie who breaks past the identity that others had made for you to fit into. You have a focused mind and have self respect. You are a self controlled individual and try to be as accountable as humanly possible. You're a truly lovely Barbie.

꒰ Messages from your inner Barbie ꒱

"Always take time to be grateful for yourself, your body, your heart, your life. Fill your cup first and this will extend outwards."

"Be so graceful and beautiful, inside out that everyone's eyes will be on you and they'll see you as an inspiration."

"Reconsider."

"Ask yourself if the highest version of you would do that."

"Participating will help you learn better."

"You deserve everything good and divine."

"Your actions and priorities should align with your needs and desires."

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ Connecting with your inner child ꒱

I think for most of you, a male figure really affected your mindset as a child especially. You used to think about this man a lot, maybe it's your father or grandfather. They taught you a lot about power and social status. They might have told you things like "be friends with this kind of people, don't be friends with this kind of people." This man was definitely very ambitious though. However, your mental well-being as a child seems pretty good. Situations at home seemed to be under control, nothing for you to worry about. You really respected this man though. They made you feel safe and protected. They taught you a lot about discipline. Mentally, you were able to grow and flourish because of the environment. You were pretty logical, even as a child. You set out goals for yourself that you wanted to achieve, even if it was something as simple as "I want to be able to take a bath by myself." You learnt how to be firm and decisive. Either, you were a single child or just not willing to share your things, food, snacks, toys, etc. Did you come from a wealthy family? You might have been kind of a show off as a kid, no shame ofcourse, you were a literal child. You were physically and materially taken care of though. You knew how to flatter your parents in order to get what you want and often, you did not even have to flatter them, they just wanted to give everything you wanted. However, sometimes you had to do things by yourself or you actually wanted to? You wanted to be self reliant or were forced to be.

Your parents might have been really busy or even away from home, your needs were taken care of but there were times when you felt lonely. However, because of the support of your parents, you dealt with it pretty well. For the rest of you, you might have had major issues emotionally, I heard 'seperation anxiety'. Maybe, because you were a rich kid who used to show off your wealth, others used to leave you out or tell you hurtful things and you'd be really sad about it. Some of you likely struggled with insomnia quite early on in life. You might've witnessed a death or a loss of a loved one quite early on too, before that you might've been really happy but temporarily, you were really hurt and sad. Oh, also a financial downfall might've occured. There were also some family feuds, I think it could be over inheritance or money. You felt quite bored though, like you had money but it failed to entertain you. Maybe, whoever this male figure was, had to move away and you were left feeling really anxious. You could've been quite cold and for most of you nepotism or connections did help you. As, you were a child, your decisions were definitely influenced by others. You might've been mean to others too. Emotionally, you started being more comfortable as you continued growing. You felt quite excited about life and started being more optimistic. You were inspired by the people you watched to become successful and happy. You were excited about possibilities and were passionate about almost everything.

꒰ How did your inner child imagine your teenage and young adult self to be like ? ꒱

'You can be anything' is the slogan of Barbie and as a kid, there are so many possibilities, we're more imaginative than ever. We imagine what our teenage and early adult days will look like. We'll look at who they (your inner child) wanted to be, how they envisioned your teenage and young adult self and days to look like.

They imagined you starting over. They imagined you confessing all the bad things you've done and being able to move on. Did you watch a lot of shows like 'mean girls'? They imagined you being kind of two faced. They imagined you facing a lot of betrayals. They imagined you not being able to trust people easily and letting people into your life only if they deserve it. They imagined you watching what you'd say to others, it's because you've been taught to care about reputation. They imagined you hearing rumours and gossip about yourself and going "and I was like, why are you so obsessed with me?" They imagined you taking responsibility for your own actions and apologising to those who you've wronged. They imagined you having your life together, and being able to take care of yourself and responsibility over your finances. They imagined you treating everyone equally and with respect. They imagined you sharing your wealth with others (charity, etc.) They imagined you being grateful for what you have. They imagined you having others try to help you financially too. They imagined you as someone generous and compassionate. They imagined you being at peace with yourself and being able to reciprocate others' love and affection. They imagined you being really kind and taking care of others out of goodwill. They imagined your life being extremely dramatic. They imagined people being exposed and you having to remove them. They also imagined you making assertive decisions and being able to see things clear. They imagined you being open-minded and taking time out to sort out your feelings and confusion. They imagined you knowing and setting your boundaries. They imagined you being able to be really calm about decision making. They imagined you having a purpose, a direction in life and going after that. They imagined having to let go of a lot of emotional ties and you being calm despite all of it.

꒰ What kind of a Barbie have you become ? ꒱

Mentally, you have a lot of thoughts racing which cause you to lack balance. Your thoughts don't seem to be organised. You tend to be overwhelmed quite quickly and are prone to impulsive behaviour. Your time management skills seem to be lacking too. Maybe, you're burnt out and really need a time out. You seem to be quite abundant financially or will be. You're quite confident and boastful too. You know how to value yourself and take good care of yourself, physically. You are grateful for everything that you've achieved so far. You seem to be quite content and satisfied, especially financially or achievement wise. You seem to have success in all areas and might be quite popular among others. Your wishes seem to be fulfilled and even emotionally, you're quite happy. You are an entertaining person and have entertaining people around you. Whenever, you're feeling sad, you always find something or someone to be grateful for, to be happy about. Emotionally, you've grown to be accepting of loss and change. You might be adjusting to a different way of living life. You have a lot of hope for a fresh start and are healing as a person. You've let go of the past and don't let it affect your present, any longer. You're resilient, and know how to overcome your problems and rise to the top. You know how to learn from the past, even though you might've struggled with complete ruin at some point. I wonder what your Barbie would be named 'learnt her lessons Barbie' or something along those lines.

꒰ Messages from your inner Barbie ꒱

"Don't take action just for the sake of taking action."

"Maybe you expected a lot because you were willing to do that for them."

"The grass is greener where you water it."

"Be honest with yourself."

"Don't worry about things that will never happen."

"Happy heart, private life, peaceful life, abundant pockets."

"Dopamine detox is important for you, having a phone addiction will not help."

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ Connecting with your inner child ꒱

Mentally, you were suffering. You might've been a child who worried a lot. You felt lost and might have even had anxiety that might've not been diagnosed. You felt like none of your wishes came true and used to have moments when you used to lose hope. "I used to pray everyday but my life just kept on getting worser." You were a child so ofcourse you didn't know yourself but the loss of purpose that you felt made you feel miserable. There were events and occurrences that led you to feel insecure about yourself. People used to have unrealistic expectations of you and when you failed to match up to them, you felt awful, they made you feel like it was your fault. You might've spent your childhood in a very monotonous manner, go to school, come home, study during holidays and go back to school again. At that time, the only thing that kept you going was the blind faith that things would eventually be alright. Some of you used to have suicidal thoughts, some of you used to wish that you never woke up. You are really courageous. You might've had to travel sometimes but it was still kind of monotonous

You were just going to the same place again and again, every vacation, just rotting in a house at that place. You were very restless physically, while some of you took up sports or something like that, some of you used to just walk around a lot, could not sit in one place for a long time. This is actually truly depressing, you used to wait for things that you never received, the help that you never received. Emotionally, you repressed a lot of trauma. You used to be really guarded as a child, so, I'm not getting what exactly happened. You used to be very forgiving though. Any expression of pain and anger caused you to undergo even more pain and sadness so you naturally started suppressing all of it. You kind of stayed stuck to those heartbreaks and suffering, you've just internalised and kind of saved all of it. It's like, you saved something to a private file but forgot the password and it turned out to have a deadly virus. You've always let go and forgiven but it took a toll on you mentally and emotionally especially since, it resurfaces as you continue growing. I think inner child healing is extremely essential for you.

꒰ How did your inner child imagine your teenage and young adult self to be like ? ꒱

'You can be anything' is the slogan of Barbie and as a kid, there are so many possibilities, we're more imaginative than ever. We imagine what our teenage and early adult days will look like. We'll look at who they (your inner child) wanted to be, how they envisioned your teenage and young adult self and days to look like.

BLAIR WALDORF !! They imagined you as being kind of selfish. "You need to be cold to be queen, forget boys, keep your eyes on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You cannot make people love you but you can make them fear you." They imagined you partying and stuff. They imagined you as someone who respects themself. You might've sometimes fantasized about hitting people who tried to mess with you on the nose. They imagined you as someone quite courageous, someone who runs after their goals. They imagined you accomplishing things after things. They imagined you having a dramatic life though, heartbreaks, mental illnesses, etc. They imagined you undergoing life changing events and gaining morals. They imagined you as someone really loving and compassionate too, when needed. They imagined you having a lot of inner strength and being able to overcome self doubt. They imagined you as someone with a strong sense of responsibility. Even as a kid, you were aware of the demons inside, you imagined being able to tame them through your experiences in life. They imagined you always winning. They imagined you receiving romantic proposals. Being invited to lunch, parties, etc. They imagined you following your heart and being really chivalrous. They imagined you being quite sensitive emotionally and also graceful in everything you do. They imagined you being swept off your feet and having a lot of warmth in your life. They imagined you meeting people who you're attracted to, etc. They imagined you having an active imagination, and using your charms and emotions in order to attract partners. Maybe, your inner child is in love with the idea of love. They imagined surprising and exciting events occurring in your life. They imagined you exploring your passions. They imagined you having a good nature and falling in love with people with a good character.

꒰ What kind of a Barbie have you become ? ꒱

'Never gives up Barbie' that's what most of you have become. You guys have a poor work ethic and no motivation or discipline. You should try to set out goals for yourself. You also struggle with teamwork and might be going through a rough patch currently. I'm getting loneliness and misalignment here. You want to grow but do not have the commitment to. You have been left out quite a lot and might be used by others. I think that this is not your true essence, you're just going through a really rough patch and have been in this energy for so long that, you aren't sure about who you are. Some of you are very young so naturally have not started working on yourself, yet and most of you come from a place where most people never tap into their full potential. You come from a place where if you are trying to get better people get offended, like, "who do you think you are?" You kind of let others take advantage of you. Shining bright means receiving hate and hate scares you. If not, atleast, you tend to be overwhelmed by other people's opinions. You seem to have a history of having gotten ganged up against and it's so scary to you. People who see your potential and see you rising, try to intimidate you. I think you are working on building stronger boundaries though, at this point. You might've or still struggle with people pleasing tendencies, so, you tend to compromise a lot for people who do not deserve it. Most of you are burnt out too, maybe, you worked so hard in school or whatever for your entire life but now you just cannot find yourself being able to do anything anymore. This is changing though, you are changing emotionally and it will start to affect the way you act too. You're shedding your old skin right now, most of you are done with being in the sidelines, you wish to be a winner. One thing about you is that you never give up. You're constantly evolving yourself and pretty much being born again. You are going through a hard ending that is starting to feel easier now that you can see it as a new beginning. Take care, rooting for you !!

꒰ Messages from your inner Barbie ꒱

"Not sacrificing will sometimes be your biggest sacrifice."

"Be afraid not of going slow but of standing still."

"Negatives count."

"Slow progress is still progress."

"It's never too late to start."

"If grief is the price of love, tears should be your only proof."

"Maybe, you expected a lot from them because you were willing to do the same for them."

[beesmygod]

i know an anon suggested ocd to you the other day, and i didn't see the original message but i know it was a bit fraught. but i am a longtime follower who has ocd who also thinks you may have ocd. and with the reblog you just did i'm like well, maybe i can say a little bit.

i've been sitting on sending a message for a long time because (1) trying to diagnose someone on anon is so fucking weird, i am very aware and ashamed of this weirdness in sending this to you, don't worry, (2) it seemed so obvious to me and you've already talked about other mental health issues and such that i was like "no, surely she must already know she has ocd and is just choosing not to talk about it (completely understandable, i don't do it on main), and then i would also be weird for forcing her to out herself".

the thing with morality-adjacent ocd is that a lot of the base thoughts, in a vacuum, are fine. if you hurt somebody some level of shame is good so you can reflect and correct your behaviour. caring about doing the right thing and refusing to do things that violate your principles is good. it's the intensity and all-consumingness of the thoughts that is the problem.

i mean i say morality but it applies to other ocd too. you should wash your hands and keep your place clean as much as you can, but obsessively avoiding contamination by washing your hands for half an hour straight... etc. it's ultimately egodystonic - it takes the thing you hate the idea of the most and convinces you that is what you really are.

like you are genuinely an admirably principled person, more than many, and it's good that you do the right thing instead of the easy thing. but your anguish about like, not contributing enough good to the world as a comics artist and things like that screams morality ocd self-punishment to me... and repeatedly talking about it feels like a confession compulsion. which i also have, kind of! i feel the compulsion *to* confess, but i don't, because if anyone forgave me or told me it wasn't a big deal they obviously haven't formed a sound judgment because (1) they are morally depraved themselves, (2) i didn't explain myself properly and they didn't understand why it's bad, (3) they're my friend and being more permissive with me because they like me, so they're too biased.

this was long, sorry. but you're a good artist and i like your work and i hate seeing you suffer like this. and if you really don't have ocd, well, i'm just another weirdo armchair psychologist anon vanishing into the void.

i appreciate this and thank you for being kind+brave enough to send this while medication juggling is really making me insane new ways. i have not been diagnosed w/ocd and only started kicking the idea around not too long ago when cornered by the inescapable nature of my thoughts/feeling, the fact that no one understands what the hell i'm ever talking about, and seeing signs of it in someone else very close to me. and i guess incidentally learning more about how it develops/is treated.

lol your bit abt internally responding to how ppl try to comfort your "confessions" rings very true. i never thought of my posts as confessions but like im desperately trying to get a hold on a reality that makes sense to me because when reality doesnt make sense, it feels perilous and fleeting. like, doesnt anyone else feel like this? why am i the only one who sees this? how am i supposed to understand what i'm supposed to be doing to live a life that isnt equivalent to a sewage drain that empties out into people's houses if i cant even understand whats happening?

[clockeyedtoy]

So disgusting how this fandom dogpiles on ppl like tomb n many others who have spoken out abt the bullying n ableism angelwowings/tulip and outkast has done against them, but ignores the real ableism happening. U guys were so quick to turn on tomb for lacking empathy, yet u support ppl who have openly n repeatedly emotionally abused ppl w mental health issues. How quickly u guys believed lies abt tomb how hes an abuser, nazi, ableist, etc while supporting the same people who MANY mentally ill ppl have spoke out against.

Tomb took responsibility for his actions. Tulip is doing nothing but lie n avoid accountability. U didnt let tomb breathe after 5 months of constantly stalking n harassing him w obsessive behaviour towards him, u insulted ppl dealing with paranoia, bpd, npd, u dehumanized and insulted those who lack empathy. Learn from n own up to ur mistakes. U dont get a free pass after all the harm u've caused.

We have literally been given proof from her old associate that tulip didnt gaf abt the real issues w/ tomb or actually wanting to see improvements, she was freakishly obsessed w deplatforming him n causing drama. Tomb has improved. N even if he hasnt, mentally ill ppl do NOT fucking owe u recovery or to be fucking consumable! U wouldn't shame a schizophrenic person for having delusions or a borderline for having mood swings? This is so disgusting to see ppl jump on the bandwagon n then turn a blind eye when multiple ppl have come out abt tulip and outkasts current n genuine ableism. It wasnt js a one-off or jokes in bad taste.

And for everyone who blindly believed cropped screenshots, twisted context, n straight up lies, shame on u. Go ahead pick ur sides but we can all see how u react in the face of the same mental health issues u guys love to romanticize in the creepypasta characters. Do better.

And before anyone says shit, yea we tried to "talk it out" but get over urself. U cant "talk out" rampant ableism w ppl who dont gaf abt u or ppl like u. Tomb is kindhearted forgiving and mature enough to talk it out but tulip only made her friend act like a messenger to avoid responsibility.

[ethereallyjade]

Pick A Card: What Your Body Wants to Tell You

Choose a photo that calls to you and the cards will tell you a message that your body would like you to know right now. This is just for fun. Do not take anything seriously or above legal or medical advice. Masterlist

1 - 2

3 - 4

Images Not Mine

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

Pile 1

Channeled Message: Stuffed, Clogged, Ridgid, Resisitant

Your body is encouraging you to branch out and try new things. I'm hearing try new foods. If you've been thinking about trying out new recipes, your body's giving you the green light to do so. If you've been thinking about adapting new habits and exercises, it's also a go. Even if it doesn't work out, you will learn to adapt and make adjustments along the way, but you need to try something other than what you've been doing. It's time to use your enegy more effectively, and if you don't have energy it's time to treat yourself/eat/move better so you can start making that energy. Having that said, don't get too caught up in trying to find a perfect routine. You may have a habit of trying to do too much research, and although that's still important (don't put your body through potential harm w/o research obviously) make sure you're doing as much as you're thinking. Just let loose, have fun with your health practices, be in the moment with your body and don't think too much, just do. You're in a period of change and old habits are needing to be left behind and walked away from. You're so close to becoming that person you want to be. The time is now.

Pile 2

Channeled Message: Clashing, Deep Breath, Judging, Slow, Waiting, Patience, Observe

Okay, like I figured from the channeled messages, your biggest issue rn may be your own mind. As in, judging yourself too harshly that is. You may be quickly losing your patience with waiting and waiting for results to show on something. You want to stay calm about it, but inside your timer is ticking away. You're being asked to sit and take a deep breath. Perhaps you don't fully believe in your results. You want it bad, you may even need it, but deep down maybe you don't really believe this will/can happen for you or that you deserve it. I'm seeing this type of mentality is what's truly stopping you from transforming and being offered amazing gifts in life. Give yourself a chance at happiness. On a lighter note, I believe you are starting to realize what's actually important to you. Maybe you placed too much importance on having the best/most expensive food, equipment, medicine, clothes, etc. for your body and you're coming to the conclusion that it's the little things or the things on the inside that matter most, or for some of you the things you put inside your body. Things will start looking up for you, but you have to believe it.

Pile 3

Channeled Message: "Work with me". not listening, "there you go, you're getting there", distracted

You are in the midst of discovering something about yourself, but I'm seeing mood swings, tough love, and running away from the real issue. You're body may be changing in ways you didn't expect and you don't know how to deal with it. Maybe you want your body to go back to how it was, but the cards are saying to be present with your body and focus on changing your mentality to adapt to the now. Don't repress these feelings in you, but also be okay with keeping the past in the past. You are a new you and time needs to be set aside to explore this new you and to find happiness in it. Even if you don't look, act, feel, etc. how you used to, there's still so much you can do, if not new things you'll find you can do. TW: I'm really getting that for some of you this could be a weight related issue, but regardless of what it is, don't give up on yourself. You're still beautiful and worth it no matter what.

Pile 4

Channeled Messages: Mistakes, My fault, "it's just who I am", exhausted, "I can't do this right."

Both cards I pulled are Aces, which is giving me the impression that you've discovered something about yourself recently and are currently trying to become a new you. I'm not picking up anything inherently bad though. Honestly, I think you found a new talent or something good that can really change your life, but you're scared. Scared of what it means going forward. This discovery has brought out insecurities in you because you don't know if you can do it. You may be reluctant to tell others about this new thing and you're finding ways to implement it into your life in a quiet but successful way. I'm seeing that whatever this is for you could also lead to some financial gain. Your body's asking you if this is what you truly want? And since it already knows the answer is yes, it's saying to set goals and just go for it! It's time to be clear about your wants and needs and not be shy about knowing yourself. Slight TW, but obviously if the reason you're hiding this is because it could potentially put you in danger then obviously do what you need to do to keep it hidden as long as you can, but the cards are saying not to let great opportunities pass you by out of fear.

[thesingingrevolution]

the way winwin carefully scheduled his year around the wayv comeback but sm suddenly switched the comeback dates up on him and he ended up not being able to participate ... and THEN he cant make it to the versache event cus he has to talk all of this out w the company.

yunquis r so strong... i would not be able to deal fr. how do u do it???

first of all thanks for your message 🙇🏻‍♀️💌

personally, i felt so upset and disappointed when the news broke :( it was bad enough it was gonna be an ot5 comeback, but when it was revealed it was because sm changed their pre planned schedule it made me angry. i understand that winwin has other important activities and if it was his own choice to sit this one out, i would have respected his decision and happily supported the other five members. but the fact that he went out of his way to ensure his schedule would align and they couldn’t even respect that.. it made me really sad. as far as we know, there is no reason this comeback had to me moved up. they just did it. and i’ve never seen anything like it, how can a company not respect their artist in this incredibly basic way? it’s heartbreaking.

i wish winwin stays in nct because i truly love him and i love his friendships in the group and his contributions etc etc but stuff like this makes me wish more and more than he only does what he needs to do for his career and happiness, regardless of how we feel. these transgressions are too serious in my opinion, to the point that when wayv were promoting on my youth during the last few months of 2023 as a proper group it almost felt like a fever dream. a full group promoting a comeback together should not be a rare occurrence. it’s so so so sad and wayv as a whole deserve so much better. the fact that i felt absolutely no excitement over this cb and haven’t even looked at concept pics or listened to any songs says so much. i will eventually, but it hurts right now :( i will need some time to get over this. not the fault of any of the members, of course!!! will always love and wish then the best.

moreover i hate that this feeds into the idea that winwin doesn’t care about his group. it’s such a common sentiment in the (toxic/misinformed/immature) parts of the fandom. if anything, winwin’s actions and deliberate desire to partake in the cb tells us the EXACT OPPOSITE. if he didn’t care, he clearly wouldn’t have gone through the trouble. like you’ve said, it’s causing more issues for him. so why would he do it if he didn’t care? i’m glad some clarifying posts went semi viral, and there was a decent amount of outrage. rightfully so.

as for how i do it….. my friend,, it’s not easy. to be honest, i have had periods where it wasn’t good for me (last summer, for example, i had so much free time to dedicate to kpop and it started affecting my mental health when i saw my fav neglected and disrespected all the time). thankfully i am better now and have been for a long time, it’s really embarrassing to admit kpop can mess one up like that lol but i hope people can be honest about how they feel since it’s very real in my experience. i try not too think about it too much and keep busy with other things, i took a huge step back from stan twitter and i only follow a few yunqi accs who post updates/positivity and don’t engage in fanwars and spread aggression across the internet. as for his company, it’s a bit more complicated. i feel as though his potential has never been fully realized, which is sad for a seasoned idol so many years into his career. but it also gives him so much space to grow, every now and then i am so surprised by his incredible work in other areas, because he was held back so much. i am so glad there are people who recognize his potential <3

i also try to remember that even though i love nct and its a huge part of my life, it’s just music and no matter what happens things will be alright. we will always have the good times and memories and that makes me feel better when i get upset. lastly, i learned to primarily focus on my own friends and my own thoughts. just last night, i told a friend i love winwin the most and she said she likes him and that he suits me as a bias. all my irl kpop stan friends have been nothing but supportive and sweet. and in my own head, winwin is the best, i dont have to think about his company and random people online to hold that opinion, and at the end of the day my thoughts are the only ones that really matter when it comes to this.

i’m sorry this is so long hahahha, but hopefully it explains a little about how i feel about all this!! once again thank you for your message 💖

[eisforeidolon]

One incident I can think of that would be considered "toxic" by todays standards was way back when Jared was having some personal issues, Kripke told him "man up" basically. Mark has spoken about his issues w/ some writing in S12. But he's also said that when he asked for a rewrite some of dialogue in the finale, Dabb obliged. Despite the acrimony in the wake of his leaving, per Mark all that is under the bridge now. He had his issues, & like an adult he got over them. Fans could take a cue.

Yeah, I think fans have a problem with distinguishing between "toxic" and "not perfect". Any workplace is going to have some conflicts and issues where things ultimately could have been handled better. There's a big difference between conflict and mistakes happening and a general, ongoing, pervasive atmosphere of toxicity. Where those in charge just don't give a fuck or are actively malicious and the rest of the people follow suit or raise no objections.

In Jared's case, I think it does not help that even now - let alone then - mental illness issues tend to be poorly understood and not given their due consideration. Kripke saying that was inarguably insensitive and very clueless, but in an unfortunately very typical way. As a mindset, it surely is toxic. But in terms of characterizing the entire set as being toxic because of it? Unless my memory fails me, Jared didn't say that Kripke badgered him repeatedly over it, mocked him for not being able to just do it, talked him down in front of the cast & crew, tried to fire him, etc. He also says in a Variety interview that when he broke down on set Jensen and another person came to check on him, then called in a doctor who diagnosed him with depression and put a temporary halt on production for him to start dealing with things [X]. That's part of the set atmosphere, too. And ultimately? Jared was able to get the help he needed to find ways to manage his mental health and continue on with the show for another decade+ without it having any consequences in terms of his position on the cast or his character's on the show, which I feel is not something that would have happened in an environment that was fundamentally toxic rather than one which bumbled a bit through a particular challenge. Like, compare it to what happened to Nicole Beharie on Sleepy Hollow who had a different type of illness. Sure in an ideal world SPN could have done better, but considering the stigmatized issue at heart and Hollywood in general, they also could have done so so much worse.

I think the Mark S. thing is even more clear - he had a lot of issues with the writing for his character and some with the showrunners more generally (in terms of contracts and payment), but that did not carry over to the day-to-day environment on the set itself and the people he was working with there.

So yeah, they weren't skipping through fields with linked hands and hugging puppies every single day. There were some conflicts and outright fuckups. But calling a set a toxic environment is a whole different, much higher bar IMO.

[idontevenlikehim]

Continuing with humanstuck i just know Eridan falls first but Sollux falls harder. I think of eridan as a person who doesn’t have that much trouble showing how he feels and expressing love, and by that i mean he’s not emotionally unavailable. unlike sollux. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have tons of issues tho

Sollux has more romantic experience and has been in relationships (i just think that eridan is very conventionally attractive but he ruins it with his terrible personality which is why he has next to zero romantic experience) but when they get involved w/ each other Sollux has definitely not experienced anything like being loved by Eridan. He has been loved, yes of course, but not like Eridan loves him. They are both changed in different ways by loving each other and being loved by the other

Also, Sollux's life strikes me as more boring or rather monotonous while Eridan’s is more dynamic, which is why I think he has more time to marinate in his own feelings and stuff. Sollux has an older brother (mituna ofc) who has his own life, he doesn’t go out that much, he doesn’t… i dunno, really occupy his mind in health ways

neither does Eridan BUT ok he does have many hobbies, he’s the type of person who tries everything once and i mean everything: reading, poetry, photography, acting, pottery, swimming, etc. he contains multitudes. and although they deal with their issues in similar fashion Eridan’s way definitely works better.

+ to me he also has two older sisters (Vriska & Aranea) who are always nagging him or making him tag along with them, mainly Aranea who is like a mom to vriska and eridan. this is key to me because even if both eridan and sollux have a strained relationship with their parents, Eridan has his sisters (and Fef who’s his best friend and is fed up with him soo bad)

He’s also filthy rich so he can do whatever he wants to entertain himself lol

[khamomile-kitty]

Long ass rant abt tumblr under the cut lmao I’m feeling pissy and I need to get this out

Deadass thinking abt just. Filing away or screenshotting anything important in my blog (likes, reblogs, etc) and then just. Deleting and never coming back lmao. Staff are clearly so far up their own ass they make a donut and I think the only way to get their head back out is to blow their brains out tbh. I mean they are racists, terfs/transphobes, amd neo nazis (or at the very least do nothing to stop them, and well. You know what they say abt sitting at a table w a hate group.)

Amd then there’s the issue that even if they were none of that, they run the site like children. Constant tantrums when they don’t get 100% overwhelmingly positive feedback, outright ignoring or hiding critique of any kind, and make constant little “non-updates” to give the impression of progress when all they’re doing is the equivalent of a kid pretending to clean up their room by picking and putting down a toy and squeaking floorboards when they think mom’s listening.

Like idk who told these guys that trying to make a “cool guy” persona and attempting to facilitate a parasocial relationship w their userbase meant that they were gonna unconditionally get the entire site to turn into yes men to slobber all over every stolen merch drop isn’t gonna work the way they want it to. They SUPPOSEDLY run a professional social media company, there’s gonna be ppl not satisfied with crumbs. And there’s gonna be ppl who are rude abt it or aren’t happy no matter what! It’s a fucking huge website that’s just gonna happen! Taking those criticisms personally and shutting down is a sure sign that they cannot run a large platform effectively At All. Part of being able to run a social media website is being able to accurately sort through feedback to find major issues, and prioritize fixing them from order of importance and feasibility. For example. Getting a bunch of complaints that you have, idk, a huge and thriving nazi community on the site that openly targets ppl? Set that on number 1 priority and get to work updating site policy and community guidelines to clearly reflect that they are not welcome here, and set a team of moderators (who should have already been alerted to the issue) to crack down on deleting and banning blogs that align or display with that shit. (There is the company issue of making sure that the moderation team has sufficient support for all the horrible shit they’ll have to sift through, compensating w company paid for mental health services available during all work hours. But tbh, every single social media site needs to do this. Moderation is exhausting and can be traumatizing. Make sure to make those conditions clear, and to hire enough moderators that no team has to work on sorting through heinous, traumatizing shit for more than they should.) Get a a bunch of complaints that the search bar is a few inches lower than it was last update and it’s throwing them off? Set that priority lower, but communicate clearly in update logs that it is low on priority lists for now, and not to expect an immediate change. I could give at least 100 more “hypothetical” issues and how to at least give the bare minimum at dealing with them. Getting complaints that the new ads are seizure hazards? Prioritize high. Getting complaints that ppl would like the ability to have animated blog backgrounds? Prioritize lower. Experimental or new features can begin to be implemented when there isn’t a leaning tower of stinking shit threatening to rot the website from the ground out. Hire enough ppl to be able separate significant work into teams; new features and bug fixes team, moderation team, networking team, etc. I’m sure if they read this they’d have a thousand excuses for why they don’t do this, but I highly, highly doubt any of them actually hold up. The fact is that it’s common sense, and Tumblr seems to exclusively hire ppl who don’t have that. And sadly, there’s no fucking fix for stupid. And I’d rather not be caught off guard when this place inevitably goes up in flames and eats it’s own code like an ouroboros snake.

[vizthedatum]

just another vent about my ex-spouse because I'm processing my triggers from Monday

So Monday was a very bad day for me, and I think I figured out why (IN ADDITION TO THE STUPID PMDD).

My landlord at my current place (literally the best apartment I've ever rented so far, and it's affordable) does annual pest maintenance. Like he hires an external company to come and check with us about any concerns we're having, and they do the necessary work.

I did deal with some mice earlier this year (I think I caught and killed them all, and the maintenance man helped me seal any points of entry with steel wool).

I do try to keep my current place clean - even if it gets cluttered and unvacuumed. (I am working on that clutter right now).

It is EXTREMELY better than how I was living with my ex-spouse.

--

The appointment with the pest maintenance person went so well! We didn't really see any major issues, I asked about how I've been growing my plants and if that could be introducing pests, and he laid out some preemptive traps.

I don't have pests or mice or anything.

My place is clean and not dirty.

--

I was triggered though. And I went into a spiral about how I was going to be alone, financially broke forever, etc. (I mean, these are still my fears...)

--

As I've mentioned earlier in the blog, my ex-spouse purposely kept me in a long-term living situation that had a severe mouse infestation (they were everywhere, and I was desperately cleaning all the time when I had the energy, and I was in complete and fucking dysregulation). AND I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KICKED THEM OUT, CALLED AN EXTERMINATOR LIKE I WANTED TO, AND DEALT WITH IT.

I am one of the more peaceful people with animals you may ever meet, but I WILL STILL FUCKING KILL WILD MICE IN MY HOME. Judge me all you want.

Asshole didn't even understand how much fucking health risk they were putting us in while talking about how covid was going to kill us (again, note: said asshole did not have any healthcare experience or know-how - nor did they really listen to me.).

--

We had hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of traps, did you know?

The ones that I got (that I had to get approved by them - to be safe and non-lethal... even though I ended up getting lethal ones later), I really did try to deploy them and use. We caught and released a few, but it was overall a worthless effort.

--

It's just all triggering to me, even though I'm so safe right now.

My apartment (even if it's messy right now) is SO MUCH CLEANER AND WELL-ORGANIZED than how I was living with them.

I am literally suffering from flares and fatigue right now, and I can still manage it all so much better. I am more functional than I was two years ago.

I remember one time, I went out TO FUCKING RECHARGE MY SPOONS BY HAVING NECESSARY SOCIAL INTERACTION (THAT I ALSO CLEARED WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY HAD SUCH BAD CONTROL ISSUES) BECAUSE THAT IS ESSENTIAL TO MY FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH, and I came back, and they were crying on top of a pile of cardboard boxes saying that I was just going out and not helping take care of the household.

HOW COULD I TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD WHEN YOU ANTAGONIZED EVERYTHING I DID ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

I BEGGED YOU AND SHOWED YOU THE THINGS I COULD NOT DO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT AFFECTED ME THAT I COULDN'T SAFELY COOK IN OUR OWN FUCKING KITCHEN?!

DID YOU LIKE SEEING ME IN PERPETUAL FUNCTIONAL FREEZE GETTING SICKER AND SICKER?

LOOK AT OLD PICTURES OF ME THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP AND KNOW THAT YOU DID THAT. YOU TOOK AWAY MY YOUTH, MY BEAUTY, MY HEALTH, AND MY SANITY.

YOU REDUCED ME TO FUCKING PROP WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS SILLY.

TELL EVERYONE I WAS A BAD PARTNER - TELL EVERYONE I WAS THE ABUSIVE AND UNHINGED ONE - IT'S EASY TO DO, ISN'T IT? It's sooooo easy to call me crazy, huh?

--

I'd rather be crazy and unhinged than ever be with someone remotely like you ever again. Because my level of "crazy and unhinged" is living a peaceful, pest-free life where I (and my friends and loved ones) can do something meaningful with our lives. I might be messy. I might have really bad executive functioning skills. I have legitimate life challenges. I might need help from my friends from time to time and be demanding in my relationships. I might be super verbose and dramatic/quirky/whatever... but I don't think I'm crazy.

[mentalhealthmantra]

Mind Matters: 5 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health

Mental health is an important part of overall well-being, but it can be difficult to maintain. Fortunately, there are some simple daily habits that you can practice to help boost your mental health and keep yourself feeling good. Here are five daily habits that will make a positive difference in your life:

Exercise – Regular physical activity helps reduce stress and anxiety while increasing energy levels and improving moods. Try going for a walk or jog each day or doing yoga at home if the weather isn’t cooperating outside.

Also Read: OCD Treatment in Bhopal

Connect with Nature – Spending time outdoors in nature has been proven to improve mental clarity as well as reduce stress levels significantly; so take advantage of any opportunity you have during the day to get out into nature! Whether it’s just taking a few minutes for lunch outside on nice days or going for longer hikes on weekends, being surrounded by natural beauty will do wonders for your mindset!

Eat Healthy Foods – Eating healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins not only provides essential nutrients our bodies need but also helps us stay mentally alert throughout the day. Avoid processed foods when possible, which tend to contain higher amounts of unhealthy fats & sugars, which can lead towards low energy & poor concentration over time - both key factors needed when attempting tasks related directly with our mental health such as work/school assignments, etc.

Get Enough Sleep – A lack of sleep affects more than just how tired we feel; inadequate rest also impacts cognitive performance, including memory recall & decision-making capabilities - all important elements necessary when dealing with issues involving one's own personal well-being (such as seeking professional advice from Psychiatrists in Bhopal). Aiming towards 7-8 hours per night should provide enough restorative benefits required by most people's mindsets without having them become overly fatigued throughout their respective days either before/after they've gone through said activities.

Practice Mindfulness – Taking intentional breaks during the day allows us moments where we focus solely on ourselves rather than worrying about things beyond our control (i.e., work deadlines). During these times try practicing mindful breathing exercises such as mindfulness meditation, which has been scientifically shown numerous times now within research studies conducted worldwide due to its ability to strengthen neural pathways associated directly w/ emotional regulation amongst other aspects related specifically w/ increased self-awareness too.

Also Read: Depression Treatment in Bhopal

Practicing these five daily habits consistently is a sure way to give yourself a better chance of succeeding in whatever goals you set out to achieve, whether those involve improving your mental health or pursuing other personal objectives.

[drmitalisoni]

Bipolar Disorder Demystified: Managing the Highs and Lows

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition characterized by extreme shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels. It can be a difficult diagnosis to manage because of the unpredictable nature of its symptoms. However, with proper treatment and support from family and friends, living with bipolar disorder doesn’t have to be overwhelming or unmanageable. In this blog post, we will discuss what bipolar disorder is, how it affects people living with it day-to-day, as well as strategies for managing the highs and lows associated with this condition.

So what exactly is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar Disorder (also known as manic depression) involves episodes of both manias (highs) – which are periods where individual experiences increased energy levels along with elevated moods such as feeling invincible or having grandiose ideas - followed by depressive episodes (lows). During these times individuals may experience feelings of sadness or hopelessness that interfere significantly with their daily lives including difficulty concentrating on tasks at work/school or maintaining relationships due to a lack of motivation/interest in activities they used to enjoy before experiencing symptoms related to their mental illness.

How can someone who has been diagnosed manage their highs & lows?

The first step towards successful management starts when one begins working closely alongside medical professionals such as psychiatrists in Bhopal & psychologists who specialize in treating people living with bipolar disorders; together these individuals will create an effective treatment plan tailored specifically for each person based on his / her unique needs + lifestyle factors.

Additionally, there are several self-help strategies that those dealing with this particular diagnosis should consider implementing into everyday life; some examples include: regular exercise, getting adequate sleep every night, engaging regularly in social activities like attending support groups, etc., eating healthy foods + avoiding alcohol use whenever possible since substance abuse often exacerbates existing symptoms associated w/the illness itself.

Furthermore finding ways to stay organized throughout the day - whether through journaling thoughts down onto paper using reminders apps etc. helps keep track of any changes emotions may occur during certain hours so appropriate coping mechanisms can then be implemented accordingly! Lastly being mindful of triggers stressors environment is also an important part of managing overall well-being: learning to recognize warning signs beforehand prevents the potential episode from occurring altogether!

In conclusion, though bipolar disorders are incredibly complex and challenging live many cases are successfully managed long-term via a combination of medication therapy and lifestyle modifications mentioned above; understanding own personal triggers and taking proactive steps to address them head allow those affected to lead productive fulfilling lives despite whatever challenges come way!

Also Read: Psychiatric Clinic in Bhopal

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Dr. Mitali Soni Loya is a renowned psychiatrist in Bhopal with extensive experience in diagnosing and treating a wide range of mental health issues. She is known for her compassionate and personalized approach to patient care, helping individuals overcome anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and other mental health conditions. With a strong focus on evidence-based treatment and therapy, Dr. Mitali Soni Loya is committed to helping her patients achieve optimal mental health and overall wellness. She welcomes patients of all ages and backgrounds to her clinic in Bhopal and strives to provide a safe and supportive environment for healing and growth.

[myatuesday]

May 7/8, 2023

[I'm just gonna put this right here]

So, someone posted this:

And then someone in the comments went on a long rant and kept going and going and going about personal responsibility and forgiving yourself and the importance of positive thoughts and just ALL this cliche known it all BULLSHIT. And called it "straight facts". But she's definitely under 25 (if not under 21). So I finally had to be like:

Look, you mean well. But you aren't the authority on life and mental health.

I'm simply saying what you're saying might work for you or others, if the shoe fits. But EVERYONE is dealing w different shit. You can't call anecdotal experience "straight fucking truth".

I'm a grown ass woman. I've been in therapy for 20+ years. I recovered from BPD in my 20s (had like 10 good years) just to go through so much trauma in my 30s, I relapsed into it yet again. But this time, they called it CPTSD.

Just a few things that happened (not even half of it): I got hit by a drunk driver and it caused my career to suffer. Then I got hit AGAIN when I was in recovery from surgery from the first wreck and now my back is FUCKED FUCKED. Changed my entire life. Then I lost my housing. Then XYZ 123. Shit just spiraled from there. Then when things were finally looking up after years of trying to recover from all that, I was diagnosed w cancer, abandoned by basically everyone close to me during that time (that alone will change someone's world view real fucking quick) and my closet friend died within months of me getting dx w cancer. And I kinda just gave the fuck up after that. Because WTAF.

So like... don't tell me shit. I lost everything too many times by events that were 100% out of my control. Despite doing everything right and being in a good place before life decided to fuck me again and again and again.

I'm not saying this as a sob story or pity party. I'm saying this, so that you understand your one size fits all solution doesn't fit every situation. It's dangerous to speak on matters you don't fully understand and call them fact.

I'm glad what you're doing is working for you. But no part of recovery and mental wellness is one size fits all. And we're all fighting very different battles, even if we may have similar diagnosis or some issues in common, etc. It's not as simple as mind over matter and all that jazz all the time.

I used to believe in everything you're saying. Said it myself too, I'm sure. Then life came at me fast, just when I thought I had it all figured out. So yeah. It's important to know that not all destruction is self destruction by any means. We can be doing our best and still being going through the worst shit.

Even people who are healthy and living their best life go through life altering shit that turns their world upside down (fire, car crash, death, rape, natural disaster, fucking worldwide pandemic, whatever. Hell, maybe all of it all at once). It's hard on anyone. It's just even harder on those of us who do also have pre-existing mental health issues to cope with ALL of that shit all at once in one lifetime. It's a fucking lot.

So just keep that in mind. That's all I'm suggesting. Not all trauma or mental health issues or whatever is making our life fucking suck is the same experience as someone else's. And the solution (if there is one at all) isn't going to look the same for everyone. Give people some grace or like benefit of the doubt that they may understand their own situation better than you. You can be supportive without being preachy.

I just know the worst thing, especially when dealing w people dealing w BPD, anxiety, depression, is to make them feel like it's their fault or that they're the ones standing in their own way. Unless you know *for a fact* that is the case. And, even then, tough love isn't the best approach. Because people can just go into self loathing mode and spiral more.

Just it's better to listen than to talk sometimes. You have to really understand where someone is and why in order to attempt to help them help themselves out of that place. If you even can.

That's all.

I don't really feel like writing out why I responded, why that was my response, or why I'm posting it here now.

I'm just putting it here. x